Lately it feels like I’m constantly holding my breath. I’m sure it’s anxiety, but it’s never manifested itself like this. I mean, you’d think with today being Luke’s last chemo infusion I’d finally feel like I could sit back and breathe, but that’s not the case. I hate not having control over a situation, and it’s been abundantly clear since his diagnosis that no one can control cancer. Today may be his last infusion, but how long until he regains strength? When will he have the stamina to return to work? And what about his PET scan the first week of February? What do we do if the chemo didn’t work? There’s just so many unknowns and it eats at me every day.
Not to mention there’s some things going on in our life, behind the scenes, that we also have no control over. So, naturally, my mind has been constantly racing. Uncertainty is not something I handle well. I can’t even count down the minutes til I can finally relax, because I have no idea when, or if, that time will come.
This morning after dropping off Lila at school I decided to go to the bakery. When the sweet lady handed me my coffee there was a tiny Jesus sitting on top. This tiny Jesus, who’s now hanging out on the dashboard of my traverse, appeared at just the right time. Not only is my anxiety heightened, but recently I stepped way out of my comfort zone and signed up for a class at church. This class, called Rooted, began a few days ago and I’ve been digging deeper into my faith, spending time each night studying His word and self reflecting. I’m a firm believer in “there’s no such thing as a coincidence,” so (as ridiculous as it may sound) I found comfort in receiving TJ (tiny Jesus.) Side note: yes, the class I’m taking is called Rooted. Coincidence? I don’t think so.😊
Rooted + Roaming 